"Break" is another in a long line of cases where a lyric gimmick tricks me into revealing my state of mind. I'm grateful that I'm still this subconsciously gullible after 23 years of writing songs -- many of my favorites have come out of this kind of origin.
In this case, it's simply that that the word 'break' is a sharp percussive call all on its own as well as being part of a variety of common expressions, leading me to try shoehorning as many of them in one song as possible.
In the end, it turned into a rather forceful pep talk to myself, a mirror held up with reminders of breaks past (both interpersonal and psychotic).
The verse riff and melody appeared in a dream on 12 September 2009. Two days later, I premiered the song as an acoustic number at the Flossmoor Station Brewing Company.
One day I found that I'd wasted all
the terrible things in my mind
So I looked around and replaced it all
with whatever else I could find
I started trying to taste it all,
the love and the food and the drink
But nothing could nourish the place that all
the guilt filled right up to the brink
But it felt like enough
I began to feel tough
Until the break
Free to no longer be chaste at all
I tried to run all amok
Shocked that I didn't get maced at all
I only managed a fa-fa-fafa-fa...
I thought I'd only debase it all
-- like cold eyes had lectured me once,
as if I had used no toothpaste at all --
at hedonism, I'm a dunce.
Why can't it be enough
to fall headlong in love
and take a break?
Pointlessly pumped up the pace, did all
the things that they told me to do,
And still I could never have braced it all
enough that it wouldn't fall through
As much as I thought I'd erased it all,
the pencil smudge won't disappear
So I guess it's time that I faced it all
to lose my illusion of fear
Self-hate's long past its shelf
date, so I'll give myself
a fucking break.
-- Dolph L. Chaney, 12th Sept 2009, 8:30am (music for the verse arrived in a dream); 13th Sept 2009, 6:06pm; 14th Sept 2009, 7:05pm